Dear Libayr tEchre...

"Library Book Blues"

I got nowhere to run, 

No feet to take me there,

But I'd do just about anything

To get myself out of here.

This backpack is smelly,

And I ain't got no space

Crammed in with his gym clothes

And fat pencil case.

My binding is bending,

My pages are torn,

My dust jacket's dirty,

And my cover's all worn.

I'm a beat up ol' book, 

And I got the blues

'Cause nobody wants me

Now that I've come unglued.

Yeah, I got the blues,

The Library Book Blues,

The I-was-pristine-three-weeks-ago-but-then-some-kid-

borrowed-me-from-the-library,-stuck-me-next-to-his-leaky-lunch-bag,-bled-on-me-with-his-bloody-nose,-and-then-let-his-dog-chew-my-corners-off blues...

Yeah, I got the blues.

And I think it's time I checked myself outta here...

(Lyrics by Erin.  Hey Matt, do you want to put this to music and record it for me? I would love you forever... or at least not call you names for a few days...)

Brain dead

Do you ever have days when you couldn't come up with a conversation if your life depended on it? That was me today; my mind was blank as an Arctic seascape.  I had nothing.  That's not a very comfortable situation to be in when you're in a large room surrounded by hundreds of people - many of whom you know only slightly.  I should have a hat for days like today.  It should say "Erin's not available. Please try again tomorrow."  Then people could read my hat and they'd go, "Oh," and walk away, and I would be okay with that.

It's all in my head...

An imaginary conversation between me and a fictional character named... erm... Bob... no, not Bob... uh... John, no John... ummmmmmmmmm, Francisco.  Sounds good. 

Me: Hey Francisco, how's it going? 

Francisco: Great!  What are you up to?

Me: Just trying to write this blog entry.

Francisco: Really?  You have a blog?

Me: Well, technically, but this is only my second entry.

Francisco: Oh, well... what's it about?

Me: It's about... stuff... what I'm thinking about, books I've read, people I've met, life altering experiences...

Francisco: Near-death experiences?!

Me: I've never had one of those.

Francisco: Oh.

Pause

Me: Have you ever had one of those?

Francisco:  It was weird.  I was out late at night when all of a sudden this blinding light comes out of nowhere and I was totally floating towards it, like, through the air!  

Me: Wow...

Fransisco: Yeah, and when I got to the end of the tunnel of light there were these people - only they didn't exactly look like people - they had this weird hair and too many fingers - but they gave me something to drink.  That was the best drink I've ever had in my life. 

Pause

Me: Then what happened?

Francisco: I don't know.  I woke up and it was morning.  

Me: huh...

Francisco: Yeah... crazy...

Me: You're sure it was a near-death experience?

Francisco: What else could it be?

Me: I don't know...

"Time is Mutagen"

I finished reading Frank Cottrell Boyce's book Framed and now I have the sudden urge to use British slang and reminisce about the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. 

Splinter taught them to be Ninja teens

(he's a radical rat!)

Leonardo leads, Donatello does machines.

(That's a fact!)

Raphael is cool but crude,

(Gimme a break!)

Michelangelo is a party dude.

(Party!)

Brilliant! Legend!

Phew! Glad that's out of my system.