Save Me!

So, John Paul, Rebekah, and I are all standing around the kitchen. JP picks up the whistle attached to Laura’s keys. 

JP: I want to try this.

He blows into the whistle.  It’s pretty pathetic.

Me: That’s not very loud.

JP: I think it needs more air.

He blows harder and a loud whistle comes out.

Me: That’s Laura’s ‘Save Me!’ whistle.

JP: Really? I’ve never heard of one of those.

Me: It’s for when you can’t scream loud enough and you’re running down a dark alley being chased by something.  You blow your ‘Save Me!’ whistle and someone comes and saves you.

JP: (nodding) Oh.

Me: Like Superman, or Spiderman, or… Batman. Maybe The Flash.

JP: Mr. Potatohead.

Me: (laughing) Yeah.

JP: Obama...

The End of the World...

The last two books I've read have been full of doom and gloom.  Life as We Knew It by Susan Beth Pfeffer shows us what the world would be like if the moon was knocked into an orbit closer to earth.  Death, catastrophe, plagues, death, starvation - and it felt so real!  I'm seriously freaked out now, and I'm beginning to stockpile food in the basement.  There's a companion novel to this novel that I will never read because it was bad enough reading from the viewpoint of someone living in the country.  The companion novel shows an urban perspective (my present situation) that is most likely too horrific to comprehend.  I couldn't even get myself to read the teaser chapter.  I had to stop about two sentences in when the main character mentioned the tidal wave that wiped out his entire family.  Food storage... must have food storage.

After that engrossing and thoroughly panic-making novel, I went on to read Little Brother by Cory Doctorow.  Another thought-provoking sci-fi experience, except in this one terrorists blow up the Bay Bridge in San Francisco.  I lived in the Bay Area for 5 years, so I had no problems picturing this scenario either.  In this story, Homeland Security comes in and basically creates a police state where freedom and privacy no longer exist.  

So now, not only am I paranoid about the electricity disappearing forever and not having enough food to eat, but I'm completely too aware of the multiple ways I can be tracked, spied on, and basically put in danger. Sheesh, what am I doing to myself?!  

I've started reading a new book.  This one does not take place on earth.  The characters in it have never even heard of electricity.  Hallelujah...

A Good Deed

So when my roommate left her book at the beach last week, a stranger picked it up.  Inside was a printout from mapquest that had our address on it.  

The stranger took the book and stuck it in an envelope, addressed it to us, took it to the post office and paid three dollars to mail it to our house. 

Yeah, some people are just that cool...

It's NOT Comcastic!

Fred: How many Comcast Customer Service Representatives does it take to screw in a lightbulb... I mean, fix my internet connection?

George: I don't know, Fred.  How many?

Fred: 15 to 20

George: That's not funny.  

Fred: No, George... no, it's not.

After much tribulation, my internet connection is working again. I'm not sure how long it will last, however.  I'm hopeful that it's fixed this time, but based on past experience, I won't be able to breathe a sigh of relief for at least a few days, if ever.  

I never used to understand the evil that is Comcast.  I mean, it always worked for me before, but then I moved.  Six weeks, 25 phone calls, 3 technician visits, and 1 trip to the local office later, I'm still trying to get the internet working.  Of course, at this point, my roommates and I are completely fed up and we want to switch companies, but our only other option is DSL.  Why is our only other option DSL?  Why isn't there another cable company to choose from?  Grrr.  The Comcast monopoly has personally offended me now.  I feel like I'm being blackmailed into paying for their less-than-stellar service.

So basically from this whole episode, I can surmise that I'm willing to do just about anything to stay connected to the internet - pay through the nose, call three times a day, wait for technicians for hours.  It's pathetic, I know - a classic abusive relationship.  I should be strong.  I should be willing to pay more for a slower connection if it means I can break up with Comcast, right? Right?

Hello?

Oh crap, there goes my internet again...

The Golden Rule of Grocery Shopping

The rule is - you should never grocery shop when you are hungry.  I've heard it lots of times and suffered the consequences of breaking it, but I discovered something else that should preclude anyone from grocery shopping.  You should never, ever grocery shop when you are sick and hungry. 

After visiting the doctor this morning and getting my diagnosis (bronchitis, conjunctivitis, and an ear infection - take that doctor from Saturday who told me it was just a virus!) I proceeded straight to the grocery store to get my three prescriptions filled.  The grocery store, of course, has this all worked out to their benefit.  I dropped off my prescriptions and they told me it would take a half hour to fill them.  I knew that if I went home, I'd never have the energy to come back and pick them up so I decided to do a little grocery shopping.  I mean, what else was I going to do? But here is where the trouble comes in, half an hour is plenty of time to find and purchase every comfort food in the store.  

The bakery immediately called to me, and I bought croissants.  Not those icky things they sell in tubs, no I got the ones from the donut case - fresh baked and super-sized.  Croissants on steroids. 

In the produce section I bought cantaloupe even though it's not in season.  

Nothing in the freezer aisle looked all that great (too cold) until I got to the ice cream and then well, you can probably guess what happened.  

So shopping sick is a bad idea, and shopping hungry is a bad idea, but shopping sick and hungry is an exponentially bad idea.  Just thought I'd let you know.  

I'm going to eat some croissants and ice cream with my antibiotics.  

Talk like a Pretty...

*An ode to Scott Westerfeld's Uglies (and Pretties, Specials, & Extras)*

Leave your interface ring at the dorms and grab your hoverboard.  If you want to infiltrate New Pretty Town tonight, you've got to be tricky, not to mention bubbly, icy, and even a little crim.  With luck, you'll score some milli-helens and improve your face rank - but only if Aya-sensei thinks your story is worth kicking.  

New Pretty Town has been different since the mind-rain.  With tech-heads, surge-monkeys and pixel-skins running around, an ugly isn't quite as noticeable, but you'll still need some kind of disguise, preferably something that covers your face.  No need to flaunt that random chin of yours.  And just so you don't appear to be brain-missing, you'd better brush up on your prettyspeak.

The Basics:  If you don't know these, people will assume you either grew up in the wild or that you're a rusty (ewww!)

People:

• Littlie - kids, you know, those little people who run around picking their noses.
• Ugly - you're out of your parents house, but not 16 and a pretty yet, use this time to make friends, learn to ride your hoverboard like a Sly girl, and pull off some tricks - don't worry, everyone expects you to get into some sort of trouble, just don't let the wardens catch you, that would be completely bogus.
• Pretty - you turn 16 and go in for full body surge.  As a pretty, you're perfectly gorgeous.  Now's the time to join a clique, and since the mind-rain, there are so many to choose from.  Will you be a tech-head? A foodie?  A kicker?  Or better yet, start your own and party the night away.
• Middle Pretty - With their party days over, middle pretties go to work for the community - doctors, wardens, artisans.  They're rather harmless, if somewhat overprotective.  
• Crumbly - this is what happens when you're finished being a middle pretty.  No one knows what crumblies actually do.  
• Special Circumstances (aka - Specials) - Suped up pretties. You don't want to meet these people. They can be rather unstable - apt to overreact and blow things up - just ask Tally Youngblood.  They also have serious ego problems.
• Bubblehead - Pretties before the mind-rain.  Brain-surge meant that everyone was pretty-minded, no bogus thoughts or emotions to worry about (i.e. - non-bubbly).

Essentials: or in other words, your stuff

• Hoverboard - this is essential ugly equipment, your primary mode of transportation.  Don't forget your grippy shoes to keep you on the board and your crash bracelets to catch you when you fall.  It's also important to remember that hover-things in general rely on magnetics to keep them in the air so make sure you've got some kind of metal underneath you to keep from going splat.
• Bungee Jacket - Need to create a scene or escape from somewhere high in a hurry?  Learn a trick from Tally and snag a bungee jacket while you're throwing yourself from the roof.  Be prepared for some head-spinning bounces down the hill before you're able to get your feet properly on the ground, but in many cases this actually improves your chances of getting away. Totally bubbly.
• Interface ring, Interface cuff, Skintenna - This is how you keep in touch with the world around you.  Send and receive pings from your friends, talk to your room, turn on the music, etc.  Use with caution however because this is also how Special Circumstances can keep track of you.  If you are looking for autonomy (who isn't?), opt for an interface ring.  Leave it in your dorm when you disappear for the night and no one will be any wiser.  If you get stuck with an interface cuff, adopt Zane-la's and Tally-wa's fashion-making scarf trick until you can figure out how to get the bogus thing off.  

Expressions:

• Missing - adj. something's not there that should be there, can be used on its own but is most commonly seen in variations such as brain-missing (stupid, non-thinking), fashion-missing (ugly), face-missing (1. on the sly, unnoticed, not worthy of attention 2. something is wrong with your face), etc.
• -Making - adj. never used by itself, the most popular variations are nervous-making (something that makes you nervous) and pretty-making (something that makes you look pretty).
• Bogus - adj. not good, stupid
• Bubbly - adj. 1. fun, cool, or new 2. a state of mental clarity achieved by bubbleheads through a variety of methods such as bungee jumping, kissing, not eating, cutting, etc.
• Trick - n. any action performed by uglies or pretties that breaks or undermines the rules
• Tricky - adj. rule-breaking, mischievous, trouble-making
• Icy - adj. cool, sharp, in-control, used mostly by specials who tend to have hot tempers and short fuses
• Crim - adj. short for criminal, a step up from tricky, anything that catches (or would catch) the attention of special circumstances
• Milli-helen - n. a measurement of beauty, derives from the story of the Trojan war
• Surge - 1. n. short for surgery, can be used on its own but is often combined with other words such as costume-surge, eye-surge, brain-surge, etc. 2. v. the act of getting surge
• Kick, kicking - 1. v. to publicize something by uploading it to your feed 2. adj. shocking, attention-grabbing, really cool or new, can be used on its own but variations include eye-kicking (visually shocking), etc.
• Random - adj. in its natural state, un-surged or meant to look un-surged

Of course this list is not all-inclusive, but it'll keep you from attracting special attention, that is, only if you're not completely missing.  If this is more than you can handle (i.e - your head is spinning just from reading it) you'd better stay inside and read the books before you venture out.  

Note to self...

So it's been a while since I've written anything here and I feel like I owe all my fans out there (Ha!) another entry.  

Any suggestions for what you'd like to hear about? Anyone?  

Huh...

So today was literacy day at my school.  We meet as a whole school every Wednesday, and today was especially devoted to reading.  As the librarian, I naturally got all excited about this, and surprisingly enough, it seemed like the kids did too (hooray!).  Books really are a lot of fun.  Especially kids' books.  

It turns out that singing "Library Book Blues" is also a lot of fun.  The music teacher at my school put it to music for me and taught it to all the 1st through 4th graders (who then started singing it to me in the library).  They made a recording.  Maybe I'll share it here... (If I can, I don't know if blogger allows audio uploads).  

Well, I guess that answers my question.  I just tried to upload it and Blogger freaked out.  No audio allowed, only video and still images.  Poo.

Moving on... to something else.  So... I bought an elliptical machine.  I figured that the only way I'm going to be able to exercise on a regular basis is if I make it as easy as possible for myself. Hence the personal gym equipment.  It can't get much easier than walking downstairs.  I mean, I do it all the time right?  

One of my friends I told this to, proceeded to inform me that most of time, when people buy things like treadmills and elliptical machines and exercise bikes, they turn into clothes racks.  Frankly, I was rather insulted.  First of all, hanging my clothes on a piece of gym equipment in the basement would be rather inconvenient - my bedroom is upstairs.  Second of all, I have two closets in my bedroom, so why would I need to hang clothes on the elliptical machine?  And thirdly, it's not like I just woke up one morning and decided to buy an elliptical machine.  I've spent considerable time inside a gym.  I know what equipment works best for me.  I did my research and I feel like I have the motivation - so no one's allowed to rain on my parade, okay?!  

Sheesh, some people need to stop being so pessimistic.